According to Moonalice legend, a great mystery exists about why LA doesn't have a professional football team. You used to have a football team. More than one, in fact. But that experiment was apparently deemed to be a failure. Why? We consulted the Legend and discovered the truth. It turns out that professional football in LA posed a threat to the Moonalice way of life. Each year the local hemp harvest suffered as crops went to seed while LA fans stayed glued to their games. You can imagine the quality crisis that resulted from this. It was clear that LA just wasn't able to balance a life of hemp AND professional football. Obviously, the football addiction had to go. We feel bad about that, but hemp must always take precedence over fun and games.
According to Moonalice legend, August 29 has been an important day in history. Today is the 43rd anniversary of the Beatles' last concert. On this day in 1786, an armed uprising of Massachusetts farmers was the first tax rebellion in America. Shays Rebellion accomplished nothing other than inspiration for generations of birthers and tea baggers. Today is also the 167th anniversary of the Treaty of Nanking, which ended the first opium war. How they all got it together to have a second opium war after that is beyond us. Elsewhere in war news, today is the 148th anniversary of the Second Battle of Bull Run, where the 420 Moonalice signal brigade distinguished itself with billows of hemp smoke that confused the Yankees and motivated the Confederate soldiers to victory.
According to Moonalice legend, today is New Year's Day in ancient Egypt. It would also be Charlie Parker's 89th birthday. It is also the birthday of Ingrid Bergman, who also died on this day a few years later.